i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize