just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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