Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
