if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
