My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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