my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
