Duck Duck Cougar?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
