you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
