dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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