I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
