Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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