dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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