i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
