I cockslap morals
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
