you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
