Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
