I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
