Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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