then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
