I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
