He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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