Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize