During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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