Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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