Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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