Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
