We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
