I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize