I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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