I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
