quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
