That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
