you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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