JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
