Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
