Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
