good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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