i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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