He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
