Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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