Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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