Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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