So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
