maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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