I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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