I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a naked man in my car right now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
