Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
