Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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