is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
