I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
