Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
