Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
