i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
