Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Someone came in the potted fern
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
