I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was born a porn star she said
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
