I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize