I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
