All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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