sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
