You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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