Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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