my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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