Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
