sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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