he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
