I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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