Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
