She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
