their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Panties = found
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
