you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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