I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
