I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Randomize
