During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize