I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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