you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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