what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
