need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize