I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
