I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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