I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
