so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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