trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
