4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize