I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
