after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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